A Cold Bed
by Harley Eve
Summary: The Joker's out on a job for the next 2-4 days, leaving Harley behind. Now she has to survive the next few days without him, but with a new member of the crew.
1. Chapter 1

**A Cold Bed**

Chapter 1

Harley woke up, but stayed perfectly still for a moment. Before she moved, she thought about what had happened the previous day. Had they stayed up extremely late? No. Joker took them both to bed early for some reason. Was he mad at her? Not as far as she knew. Could he be in a crabby mood? That all depended on how he slept, but the odds were in her favor. He hadn't woken up at all last night.

She smiled and turned over to cuddle up with her Puddin... he'd be warm but hard with lean muscle. He would either wrap his arm around her or turn away, in which case she'd just settle for gripping onto his shirt.

They'd stay there like that until she got hungry which meant he would be hungry soon too, so she'd start lunch. He'd come down to eat and after that it got iffy.

But what she found was completely off. Her Joker wasn't even in his spot. She immediately shot up and looked around. By the looks of things it was 10 am at the earliest. She glanced at the bathroom but didn't see the light streaming out from under the door. She got up to check anyway. She rubbed her arms to keep them from getting cold but still shivered.

She opened the door cautiously, afraid he was just doing his business… or maybe creating a new horror scene.

But when no protest came from the bathroom she opened the door. Either he wasn't there or she would be seeing blood. Whose? Who knew?

But when the door was fully opened, there was still nothing.

She frowned. This was _very_ off... very off indeed. He wasn't one to get out of bed early unless he _had _to. But it wouldn't hurt to check.

She walked over to her dresser and put on some socks to keep from freezing and walked out of the room in her red and black PJ's.

"Mistah J!" she called out in a whispering voice. There was no answer, but she noticed the TV was on. She smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. There he was. He probably couldn't sleep then. She danced down the stairs to join her love. He'd probably be cranky but she could probably put him in a better mood... especially when she's only in her PJ's.

But then she noticed something that was totally out of character. Since it was so early, he would be sitting up, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees while his hands kept his head supported, a very intense look on his face that wouldn't tell you what he was really focusing on.

But she didn't see him. She just saw the TV on.

She looked around frantically, hoping he'd walk from a corner any second. She shrunk into herself in fear. Was she alone? Was she all alone in the hideout?

"Hey, Mistah J!" de whispered again. Maybe he just hadn't heard her... but once again there was no answer. She whimpered softly and tiptoed to turn off the TV. She looked at the couch and there was nothing there.

She pouted and tip-toed to the small kitchen she had told their boys to make, but once again there was no one. Her hyenas stirred restlessly, but they knew better than to make a fuss before they saw the Joker come down for breakfast. She gave them both a quick pat and scratch on the head to settle them down.

Harley then trudged back to the couch and sat down heavily.

Surely her Joker hadn't just left her. He probably went for a quick errand with the boys and didn't want to wake her.

Yeah! That's it! He'd walk in with -or without -the boys any minute now... any minute now... It was just a quick errand... but maybe it was the car that woke her up while they were leaving, so maybe it'd take a bit longer.

Harley huffed impatiently and rested her head on her hand. "Do you boys know where Mistah J went?" she asked her hyenas, but they just stood up and wagged their tails, happy for her attention. She sighed sadly and lay belly down on the couch.

Whatever the errand was, it was taking a long time.

Suddenly she heard the grass outside crunch and she immediately picked her head up and looked at the door. Her hyenas did the same.

The door started to open and Harley hopped over the couch and hurried towards the door. "Mistah J!"

But it wasn't the Joker at the door. It was just the kid they hired a few weeks ago with grocery bags in his arms.

"You're not Mistah J," Harley whined childishly

"No... no I'm not Ms. Quinn," Brian said hesitantly. He took a piece of tape off the door, shut the door behind him, and walked to the fridge.

"Well, do you have any idea where 'e is?" she asked, irritated.

No answer. He just started to put the groceries –which were mainly sweets –into the fridge.

"Ahem!"

He didn't turn around.

"Hey bozo! I'm talkin' to you!" Harley yelled angrily, her hands tensing into fists.

Brian sighed and continued to put the stuff away.

"Hey moron!" Harley called as she stalked towards him. She grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him around. "Don't you know to answer a lady when she's talking to you?"

Brian put his hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry Ms. Quinn. I just need to put this stuff away before I start explaining anything. Boss's orders."

Harley's jaw tensed in frustration. She wanted to throw him against the fridge and smack the answers out of him… but that would mean stepping on her Puddin's toes… and she knew better than that. So she just crossed her arms indignantly, glaring holes into the rookie's back.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, he stood up and brushed the dirt off of his knees. He tried to be sneaky and slide his eyes over Harley as he straightened up, but the second he met Harley's eyes he realized she had noticed and it made her even angrier. An uneasy expression passed over his face and he scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Um… do you wanna take a seat… or something?" he asked nervously. Harley just gave him an angry incredulous look, which forced Brian to look away for a moment. "Alright then… well. The Joker's not here…"

"Thank you Captain obvious," Harley snipped. "So where _is _he?"

"He went off to do a job…"

Harley's anger and impatience immediately switched to anxiety and worry, relieving and worrying Brian at the same time. "What! Where! Is he alright?" Harley yelled. "We have to go help him… I need to go get dressed. He wouldn't want me to go out in my jammies. Wait here! I'll go get ready."

Harley started to rush to the stairs and Brian reached out his hand, as if to stop her, but he thought the better of it and let her slam the door to her room. Might as well let her get dressed before he gave her the bad news. He sat down at the breakfast table and put his feet on the table, but immediately took them down. He'd only been on the job for a few weeks, so he hadn't been inside the house as often as the other guys and didn't know the rules. The guys had warned him about a few things –_never_ answer back, call Harley _Ms. Quinn_ so Joker doesn't get possessive, never do anything outside of your job unless asked to, and don't whistle music… ever. Humming is fine and sometimes the Joker will even join in but whistling is a big no-no –but they hadn't told him the do's and don'ts of the household.

He's mostly tried to just stand at the doorway or walk away for a smoke. Something about being inside the Joker's house made Brian feel… uneasy and unwelcome. Harley had tried to be hospitable on a few occasions, inviting him to the couch to watch a movie with the other boys while the Joker was doing something but Brian was nervous about being seen close to Harley when he was still new. He liked her though. Overall, she was alright. She'd even steered him away from danger a few times. But he didn't like being too close to her

But now he hadn't been given a choice. He would be stuck with an angry Harley for the next few days… he doubted it would be fun.

As his eyes peeled to the side, he saw the other two reasons why he felt uneasy in the house. The hyenas were looking at him again…

"Alright I'm ready. Go get a car," Harley breathed, pulling on of her shoes on. Her pig tails were crooked and her cowl was still in her arms.

Brian sighed and stood up, hands in his pockets. "Ms. Quinn… you're supposed to stay here."

That caught Harley's attention really fast. "What?"

Brian gulped. "Well... the Joker said you're supposed to stay home…"

Harley's whole body seemed to bristle, and her hyenas stood up in response. "The hell I am," she growled through her teeth.

Harley marched to the door and tried to turn the handle. Brian began to scratch his head again. This wasn't going to be fun at all. "It's locked from the outside Ms. Quinn. The Joker said you had to stay inside… the door's locked from the outside." Harley ignored him and tried to pull on the door handle, maybe to break it. "It's no use Ms. Quinn. Joker had a new door handle installed. It's not gonna give." Harley began to kick on the door instead. "C'mon Ms. Quinn you know that door's not-"

"Shut up! Just shut up!" Harley screamed. Brian flinched at the force in her voice, but relaxed when she just sat down on the floor, her arms crossed. She reminded him of a child throwing a tantrum. This was not gonna be fun…

Harley glared at the floor, thinking. She could just break out and find him. It wouldn't be hard. But he _had_ told her to stay inside. And since she wasn't supposed to be there, he wouldn't plan for her presence… he would definitely be mad if she showed up. It could throw his whole plan off, putting him and the other guys in danger. She couldn't do that… but she wanted to make sure he was fine. Sure she trusted the other boys to help 'im, but they weren't _her_. She'd always make sure the Joker was safe. She tapped her fingers against her arms as she thought this through… arguing with herself.

Finally her hands snapped to her knees. "Fine. How long 'til Mistah comes home?" she asked tensely.

The kid rocked on his heels nervously. "Um… two days maybe… four days tops."

Harley's eyes went wide. "Two days!" she whined. She fell back and lay on the floor with a sad groan. She heard her babies whine anxiously, but she was too dead to comfort them.

"Well, that's only two days right? Just today and tomorrow," he rushed out. But Harley just stamped her feet in frustration.

_Just_ today and tomorrow? It'd be like _years_ before her Puddin came home. She missed him already.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Yes yes I know, this took absolutely forever, and it's just over 1,000 words. I honestly have no idea what took this chapter so long. There is going to be some fluff, and you guys will probably have a hate-love relationship with the OC by the end of this. He's just kind of... annoyed right now. What can I say? He's young? I know what I'm doing with this story so hopefully I'll have the next chapter up in the next few days.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Brian looked at Harley anxiously for what seemed like the millionth time. But all she did was sit there, her head propped up on her hand.

She didn't put up as much as a fight as he was led to believe she would. The Joker had warned him that she might beat him bloody if he wasn't careful. The guys had told him to let her take it out on the door.

But now, all she did was sit there, her head propped up. The only change that occurred was every now and again she would sigh. Even her hyenas seemed subdued. Although every time Brian looked over at them for too long, they began to bare their teeth and laugh. If this went on too long, Harley would tell them to shush and the silence was immediately restored.

Eventually Brian began to lean back in his chair to keep himself occupied. He felt like he was 16 again, babysitting some stupid kid who just sat in front of the T.V with a bowl of Trix. Leaning on a chair had become a bad habit in those years… he leaned on them during class, at home, at his friends' place, at restaurants, etc. despite all the–

_**CRASH**_

Harley barely stirred when she heard the crash. She knew it would happen. She was an expert at leaning in chairs and saw that it would happen even before his body felt it. She just sighed at his stupidity, tracing random circles in the table's wood while listening to her hyenas jerk at their chains to chew Brian's face off while Brian desperately crawled away to the safety of the carpet.

"Looks like they're hungry…" Harley said nonchalantly. She felt Brian's head turn towards her and she looked down on at him briefly to see him give her a dumbfounded expression, surprised by her carelessness. But she simply looked back down at her invisible drawing, too depressed to care.

Brian just lay there, looking at her while the hyenas laughed at his feet, innocently trying to nipping at them. "Hungry… right…"

Harley looked up at him, her baby blue eyes empty of the energy Brian was accustomed to seeing in them. "Did Mistah J tell you to bring 'em any food?"

Brian immediately stood up, exciting the hyenas. "Yeah, yeah he told me to get a few things." Brian quickly walked to the fridge in the corner of the kitchen –more of a corner of the warehouse that had different walls and floors than the rest of the warehouse– and started rummaging through the fridge, pushing aside all the goodies Brian bought for them. As he looked through the stuff in the fridge, he noticed how most of it didn't belong in the fridge –gummy bears, chocolates, lollipops, gummy worms, ice cream, dry spaghetti, canned foods –and couldn't help but question how they survived on this sort of diet. Eventually he got past most of the goodies packed into the fridge and finally found the raw meats specifically meant for the hyenas.

Brian sighed and pulled 2 large slabs of meat out of the paper wrapping and grimaced as he watched the hyenas get more and more excited. Their expressions reminded him of the look they gave him every time he walked through the door.

"Just one for the both of them," Harley said emotionlessly.

Brian's heart dropped. The _last_ thing he wanted to see was these two hyenas fighting over one piece of meat. "Y-you sure? I think they'll be happier with one piece each. Don't you?"

Harley looked up at him through her eyelashes. "They fart if they're overfed. Mistah J doesn't like it."

Brian grimaced, but didn't think it would be a good idea for the Joker to come home to his place smelling like hyena shit. "So…" he started, placing one slab of meat back in the fridge, "how do I… you know… give them the meat without getting your hand chewed off?"

Harley lifted her head and looked him over, frowning softly. "_You_ can't… they'd try tuh eat you. You look like chicken…" She held out her hand lazily. "Give it."

Brian frowned at her, but complied. Once the meat was in her hand she carelessly tossed it in the direction of the two hungry hyenas. Both hyenas jumped and caught an end of the slab of meat, and immediately started fighting for larger portions of the slab. Brian couldn't help but cringe at the scene in front of him, unable to keep down the image of them fighting over a human arm… or a leg.

The thought sent a shiver down his back. "They seem… happy," Brian commented, trying to strike up a conversation to calm his nerves.

Harley glanced over at them, a small smile forming on her lips. "Yeah. They're good boys."

"How long have you had 'em?"

Harley sighed and pulled off her cowl and her domino mask. "A few years now. Mistah J took 'em from the Gotham Zoo."

Brian nodded, remembering the story a few years back. There was a huge uproar because the mother had just died, so the zoo was hyena-less. But looking at the hyenas fighting in the kitchen, maybe the rest of Gotham was better off without them. "Yeah I remember that. Kinda nice of him. Christmas present right?"

"Mhmm… he does stuff like that sometimes," Harley replied sadly, her depressed mood creeping up on her again, pulling her down onto the table. "Like yesterday morning he bought me a teddy bear…"

Brian's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "The Joker… bought you… a teddy bear?" That seemed… so out of character Brian couldn't even begin to picture it.

"Yeeah. And buncha markers and coloring books… I thought we were gonna go on a trip together." Harley sighed dramatically. "But I guess it was just him…"

Brian did his best not to groan as he rubbed his face. Jesus. It was like he was babysitting a child. Teddy bears? Coloring books? Markers? He wasn't sure what he had expected from Harley, but from the stories he's heard he had assumed she'd still have some sort of… he didn't know, doctoral intelligence. Maybe she would have something to investigate? Maybe clean something? Read something? She used to be a doctor for pete's sake. God… how would his mom deal with this?

"Maaaybe I can get your bear for you? And we can watch cartoons together or something?" Brian asked shyly, shoving one hand in his jacket pocket while the other scratched the back of his head, feeling ridiculous for asking a grown woman to watch cartoons with him. "It's like, 9 but we might be able to find something on cartoon network or something."

Harley was quiet for a long time, staring at the table with an empty expression, before finally pushing herself away from the table. "I'll get the teddy bear. There's a bunch-uh Animaniacs DVD's in the cabinet under the TV."

Animaniacs… why was Brian not surprised. He playfully saluted Harley and got to work on setting up her cartoons.

Once Harley was upstairs Brian let out an exasperated sigh. This really was going to be like babysitting some kid… except this time he couldn't even invite some hot girl over for company. Jeez. What a drag.


End file.
